Resolving to Resolve

Here is a post I listed on my blog Walking Toward Wisdom:

This year has been filled with challenges. Some of them great, some small. Some affecting communitities and nations. Some influencing only me. The most obvious challenges are the ones I've created: learning more about the world, saving money, losing weight, and, more recently, to read more books. The country has also been challenged with a new president, a new administration, and a new way of thinking about race. This upcoming year will also have its challenges. Many will be the same one's I've tried to battle in 2008.

Of all the challenges, I am finding my battle with weight the most difficult. I am not huge (yet), but I don't want to have to get there before I realize I have to stop gaining weight. Part of my challenge in learning about the world now must also encompass learning more about myself if I am to win. I must overcome my excuses for not exercising.

Centers like Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and such are available, but at what cost? There is not only the financial investment, which is not an option given my financial goal, but there is also the investment of time and other resources. Are there free weight loss centers?

Fat Pockets follow up

A reader commented on yesterday's blog post on Walking Toward Wisdom with

I used to do the same thing with being thrifty because it seemed the reasonable thing to do, then I decided that I will save more money and calories if for example I buy one doughnut for $0.90 rather than a dozen for $4.00, which I ended up throwing out half of anyways.

I came across your blog from Shelfari and find your posts quite interesting :)

I have two comments on that, and the first is that I am pleasantly surprised that people are reading. There are millions of blogs to choose from, and to have a reader stumble upon mine and then find it interesting is definitely a compliment. Thanks again. I hope you stop by again soon.

Second, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one this frugality/diet conflict has happened to. I did not end up throwing the doughnuts away, however. I took two more for breakfast the next day and left the rest in the kitchen in the office. They were gone in less than 20 minutes.

Fat Pockets

Here is what I wrote on my blog Walking Toward Wisdom at http://www.walkingtowardwisdom.blogspot.com.

I saved money today in three ways, though I'm still not sure how this will translate into extra savings each month. First, today I did a free museum visit for my entertainment. The original admission for the museum would have been about $8.00 or more. Second, rather order a full meal with at drink, I opted for an appetizer and water. If I'd ordered a soda ($3.00) and a full dinner -- with a difference of $4.00 between the appetizer and the meal -- I'd have spent an additional $7.00. In total, that's a whopping $15.00 I've saved today just by making smarter consumption choices.

I also wound up saving myself lots of empty calories. Of course, being thrifty can also add on the pounds. On the way home, I thought it would be better to buy a dozen doughnuts from the market for $4.00 instead of just one for about $0.90. It does make sense economically, but with another 11 doughnuts sitting around, it will be difficult not to overeat. I am tempted to just throw the remaining eight (I've 4already) into the trash, but that would be like wasting the same money I just saved earlier today. I think I will throw them away. I've just eaten another one.

Somethin's Gotta Give...

(Image Credit: life.atlantafalcons.com)


...and I don't mean a waistband. Enough is enough.

Four Servings or Two?

How many servings are in a pint of Cherry Garcia Ben & Jerry's ice cream? The label says four, but I could almost declare it's just two. Yum.

I've Got To Do Something

I made yet another disparaging comment about my weight yesterday. I've got to do something about this. In the past two days, I've had two very beefy, very big burgers. If I were on Atkins, it wouldn't be a problem, but I'm not. I'm on this business trip, so monitoring my food intake is not as simple as should be. (That's just an excuse, I know.) And today, I was on an active hunt to find the best milkshake in Las Vegas. I've to rethink what I eat. And I've got to remember Oprah. She's at around 200 lbs. I want to match or beat her new weight loss, and I want to keep it off. My first step is not having dinner tonight. Just a soda. I'm really too tired to eat after staying in the airport for hours after a cancelled flight just collect my luggage. Can you believe I was there an additional 3 hours after the flight was announced as cancelled?! All I wanted to do when I got back to the hotel was lie down. What I wound up doing was checking my office e-mail. I wonder if I can learn to strike the right balance between work, my weight, and the pursuit of a fulling life.

Better Today

Better today. Ate out for lunch: Thai. Pad Thai to be exact. With Chicken. I left most of it on my plate. I know all about the Atkins diet, but I've never really been much of a meat eater.

Dinner: frozen pizza; 1.5 toasted coconut Dunkin Donuts

Oh yes, and soup for lunch. Miso soup with seaweed? and tofu.

Maybe it would better if I counted calories instead?

Like a Virgin

If Madonna was a virgin, then I would have been a whore. Oh my goodness, I've eaten so much these last two days. Wednesday night: Korean. Thursday lunch: holiday office party. Thursday post lunch: office birthday party with chocolate cake and chocolate frosting. Of course I wanted seconds, but I was strong enough and embarrassed enough not to. Thursday dinner: corporate office party. And I'm scheduled to have dinner with a friend out Friday! I just want to slow down and not eat for a while. Can I do that? Maybe just have cereal for a couple of days?

Guy at work today who I think is attracted to me, I think said I was fat. How awful if it was true that he did say that. I already believe my fat is one of the reasons I don't have a boyfriend. Though, for the record, I would never date anyone I work with regardless of how hot he or she is. It would be entirely too messy. Too unnecessary when there are billions of other eligible people to get all excited about.

At the office party, they talked about Weight Watchers. Great endorsement for the program there. Not so much for Jenny Craig. But I'd never pay to have someone tell me how to lose weight. I know what the mother fudge I need to do. Get up off my dizzle and do some exercise. It's easier to blog.

Progress

(Image Credit: enquiringmindswant2know.spaces.live.com [sic]).




Today, progress. I had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, and no lunch. I did get hungry a bit, but I was so engrossed in my work that I eventually "forgot" about it. I was also rather stressed. Had a talk with my boss that I didn't like. Just lost my appetite, I guess.

Dinner was mac and cheese ( a ton-ful left over from Thanksgiving) and string beans cooked in hamhocks (also left over from Thanksgiving). I'd wanted to pop some popcorn, but I thought against it. Save the calories for later. Save the popcorn for a movie.

Two Starbursts left. I think I will have one. They make me so thirsty.

First Post

Okay. Another totally unoriginal blog. This blog is about my weight loss or lack thereof. I’m not a serious dieter, but I do diet from time to time. Some people say I’m not fat, but really, I think it all has to do with the way I wear my clothes. I try not to be a slave to fashion, but rather instead to select clothes that flatter my figure. Underneath, I am round, but I want to be flatter. Emaciated? No. Just a good, healthy size.

Since Thanksgiving, I’ve been trying the Atkins diet unsuccessfully. I just can’t wrap my mind around not having carbohydrates. What’s the point of eating if you can’t have bread? Why have dessert if not with cookies? Why have breakfast without muffins? I only have to do it for two weeks to see results, but I just can’t say no to carbs. The more try to say no, the more I find myself thinking about food and stuffing my face with it. I’m very prone to binging right now. Everyone is really. The holidays are all about food.

One disadvantageous advantage I have is my lack of friends. Without all the holiday parties, I won’t be tempted to indulge. On the other hand, not being with people makes me lonely. And that loneliness makes me weak. So I eat. The new thing now for me is not binging, but eating out a lot. Because I don’t interact with others as often as I’d like, I go out to eat. I sit at a table with a book and I read like I’m with someone I love. But before me is a HUGE plate of whatever it is I’ve ordered. I don’t want all that food, but I eat it because I don’t want to appear that I’m not really hungry. Somehow, if I don’t eat, I fear that people will know I only came to the restaurant so I won’t be alone.

In the meantime, I’m gaining weight like a walrus. My thighs are huge. My ass is bigger. And my arms…well, they just keep waving.

I wonder if I had a boyfriend whether I’d eat so much. The answer, I know, is no because he would fill my loneliness. He would be what I’d be doing (no pun intended) rather stuffing my mouth with food. So here it comes. Here is the challenge.

I want to slim down to a size 8. My smallest ever was a size 10. Now I’m a size 16. I can’t stand it. I hate being fat.